https://drcarolineboyd.com/Experience daily 0.75 2013-12-10 https://drcarolineboyd.com/blog daily 0.75 2023-04-02 https://drcarolineboyd.com/blog/highly-sensitives-why-your-sensitivity-is-a-superpower monthly 0.5 2024-12-03 https://drcarolineboyd.com/blog/trauma-the-question-is-not-what-is-wrong-with-you-but-what-has-happened-to-you monthly 0.5 2024-03-20 https://drcarolineboyd.com/blog/info-on-help-seeking-amp-trauma-refs-amp-resources monthly 0.5 2022-08-31 https://drcarolineboyd.com/blog/postpartum-thoughts-of-harm-infographic monthly 0.5 2022-03-09 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5d3dd3ead8af680001b7339c/ef348b4b-99fa-41dd-b4c1-f6df50916f5d/FINAL+-+postpartum+harm+thoughts+infographic+%282%29.jpg Blog - Postpartum thoughts of harm - infographic - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://drcarolineboyd.com/blog/mindful-new-mum-a-mind-body-approach-to-the-highs-and-lows-of-motherhood monthly 0.5 2022-03-07 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5d3dd3ead8af680001b7339c/b447d886-e3d9-4e1a-b4af-68f4c05e4755/me+with+book.jpg Blog - Mindful New Mum - Make it stand out Mindful New Mum - published worldwide in 2022 by Dorling Kindersley. https://drcarolineboyd.com/blog/music-playlist-to-help-you-down-regulate-amp-de-stress monthly 0.5 2022-01-16 https://drcarolineboyd.com/blog/lets-release-rage-proactively monthly 0.5 2022-09-15 https://drcarolineboyd.com/blog/music-to-lift-your-spirits-and-soothe-your-soul monthly 0.5 2021-01-24 https://drcarolineboyd.com/blog/tvs0zxdzrdlwbao9qsoiiljc335tn6 monthly 0.5 2021-01-17 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5d3dd3ead8af680001b7339c/1610898043485-7Y9OP9Y0XUFYWJ5AIED6/collec+greif+1.jpg Blog - Understanding our grief in this collective trauma Do you feel grief in this pandemic? ✨ I feel and hear of so much grief, it’s tangible. Mourning the loss of loved ones. Loss of safety, structure, routine, rituals, income, school beginnings, endings. ✨For new mums, the loss of connection with others, loss of touch with family, sharing your baby. For parents, loss of space, headspace, clear lines between work and kids. Those with children with additional needs, loss of support and respite. For those TTC, loss of care and much longed for treatment. And for those who have lost their babies in pregnancy or birth. ✨We’re all managing uncertainty – a huge task for us as humans. ✨Sometimes it helps to name our pain to manage it. ✨Kubler-Ross talks about 5 stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. I know from experience, as you may too, that these stages aren’t linear. ✨Grief expert David Kessler recently added a sixth stage: Meaning. “I believe we will continue to find meaning now and when this is over,” he says. “With a virus, this kind of grief is so confusing for people. Our primitive mind knows something bad is happening, but you can’t see it.” ✨Meaning-making is dynamic. Ongoing. Go at your own pace. I’ve spoken to three people this week who have been vaccinated. I felt emotional hearing this news: a reminder there IS light at the end of the tunnel. So remember, we can hold hope too. Let’s hold hope together. TELL ME – what helps you find light in the dark? https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5d3dd3ead8af680001b7339c/1610898385619-SHNJRG642A3M9N2PP0WZ/collec+grief+2.jpg Blog - Understanding our grief in this collective trauma https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5d3dd3ead8af680001b7339c/1610898407107-07ZBIEW0N0UHE05CLJQJ/collec+grief+3.jpg Blog - Understanding our grief in this collective trauma https://drcarolineboyd.com/blog/homeschooling-tips-for-the-sake-of-your-sanity monthly 0.5 2021-01-25 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5d3dd3ead8af680001b7339c/1610897696401-C8U6RJW1K8AH99KMOYOL/homeschool+1.jpg Blog - Homeschooling tips & free resources - for your child's wellbeing AND yours Rates of burnout among parents are increasing. Right now, they’re sky high. ⚡️What mums and dads are being asked to do in the latest lockdown is NOT sustainable. ⚡️Working parents, solo parents, parents caring for kids with additional needs, the task of managing in the current context is too great. Stress levels bubbling over. ⚡️Anna Whitehouse @mother_pukka is doing stellar work campaigning for more government support for homeschooling and working parents. As she says: “We’re sinking. It’s not humanly possible to be an employee, a parent, a teacher, an IT technician, a cook, a cleaner, a nurse, a finder-of-favourite-spoon and an answerer of every question (“Mummy which is faster, fire or dust?”) in 12 hours.” So, as we enter week two of lockdown, be gentle with yourself. Lower expectations. And lower them again. Get outside. Breathe. Stretch your body. Move. Dance. Limit news consumption. Soothe you. Early to bed. You’re doing the best you can with what you have available. DOWNLOADABLE RESOURCES Resources 1 - Wheel of Emotion Resources 2 - Mindfulness Resources 3- Mindfulness activity sheets Resources 4- Good Things About Me Resources 5- Feeling Jars Resources 6 - Calm Down Brain Break Breathing Exercise Cards Resources 7 - Star Breathing Resources 8 - Sitting Still Like A Frog (free audio meditations, for kids aged 5 - 12; 7 - 12 & older) Resources 9 - Draw with Rob Resources 10 - How to make a calm down glitter jar Resources 11 - Cosmic kids yoga Resources for parents - Staying Calm in a Global Pandemic by Dr Emma Hepburn Resources for parents - Face Covid by Dr Russ Harris https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5d3dd3ead8af680001b7339c/1610897730941-IBCBSHY2870UNU3CRRJ5/homeschool+2.jpg Blog - Homeschooling tips & free resources - for your child's wellbeing AND yours https://drcarolineboyd.com/blog/pandemic-fatigue monthly 0.5 2021-01-17 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5d3dd3ead8af680001b7339c/1610897545155-EJTTN0O8IKRGYCW6G4CY/pandemic+fatigue+final.jpg Blog - Pandemic fatigue If you feel it’s hard at the moment, it’s because it is. A lot to process. An attempted coup in Washington adding to the sense of confusion and chaos. Take care of yourselves today This week, I’ve been doing my own processing. I’ve been wondering what to say on here – and right now I think it’s not about rushing to DO. It’s about holding space, honouring our feelings as they show up. Feeling validated in all the conflicting, confusing, heavy emotions that come with pandemic fatigue. What I keep coming back to is the idea that, as in the title of Bessel van der Kolk’s book, our bodies keep the score. I was reminded of this myself when I woke at 3am one night after Monday’s announcement. My body full of busy feelings, still adrenalin-flooded, awake with processing when my mind couldn’t find the words. We ALL struggle – it’s part of our shared humanity. So know this - you’re not alone. We WILL cope: we did before and we will again. But for now we’re making sense. Still adjusting to shifting sands. What about you? What would you add to the infographic? https://drcarolineboyd.com/blog/regulate-reconect-and-repair monthly 0.5 2022-09-15 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5d3dd3ead8af680001b7339c/1610897362826-0MPOFHT3CWMMZ5VLF6WG/repair+1.jpg Blog - Regulate, reconect and repair Reaching the end of my Anger series, here are my thoughts on repair (see more slides on this topic below the words): An important note: When there’s a rupture, what’s most important is a good enough repair. Remember - mums don’t ‘get it right’ all the time. (‘Getting it right’ is about tuning in & responding sensitively to your child’s needs) Even the most attuned mothers only ‘get it right’ about 30 per cent of the time! Through us not always ‘getting it right’, important learning happens. After a short burst of Anger, the repair teaches the child that something positive can come out of something difficult. If Anger’s showing up a lot, it’s a sign our capacity cup is spilling over. So next I’ll talk about CONTAINMENT. Why mums need it & what gets in the way. . TELL ME - what’s your experience of repairing with your child? https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5d3dd3ead8af680001b7339c/1614874792942-DKG9O86NIW8QGFR83IOI/Repair+2.jpg Blog - Regulate, reconect and repair https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5d3dd3ead8af680001b7339c/1614874826923-SHZG9N1EV02SDMC9O7VY/repair+3.jpg Blog - Regulate, reconect and repair https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5d3dd3ead8af680001b7339c/1614874890297-9CTOY170VN117O9JO61M/repair+4.jpg Blog - Regulate, reconect and repair https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5d3dd3ead8af680001b7339c/1614874911450-5BCOX7YASU7P97G5YSEB/repair+5.jpg Blog - Regulate, reconect and repair https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5d3dd3ead8af680001b7339c/1614874931053-QH3EJ7RXGWI3MMMJT5C5/repair+6.jpg Blog - Regulate, reconect and repair https://drcarolineboyd.com/blog/stories-of-maternal-anger monthly 0.5 2021-01-17 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5d3dd3ead8af680001b7339c/1610897087276-K7K9GK3LC7JG16QARZD2/Stories+of+anger+1.jpg Blog - Stories of maternal anger As part of my series on maternal anger I’ll start publishing anonymised stories – thank you to all those who shared yours. My intention in giving voice to mothers links to a therapeutic idea that having our stories heard in a non-judgmental, compassionate space can be healing. As well as women feeling validated and understood, sharing alternative mothering experiences challenges the dominant ‘Supermum’ myth. The toxic Supermum discourse – dictating that mums can only be serene and joyful - is at best disempowering & reductive. At worst dehumanising. This impossible fantasy crushes women with the weight of responsibility to be perfect. While efforts to suppress ‘negative’ feelings like Anger only compound stress and burn out. I believe creating space for difficult, scary feelings means they’re less likely to show up in the parent-child relationship - allowing us to access self-compassion. So here are some stories of maternal Anger – more to come this week. As you’ll see, the contexts vary – though one theme is the shock women feel in experiencing Anger at all as a new mum. To add on Context - we know it’s not only the Supermum myth that can influence our mothering. It can also be shaped by difficult experiences growing up and oppression related to, for example, disability, race or class. This means we all bring our own ways of coping depending on our own unique experiences. Anger then can be an expression of unmet needs. Please look back over my Anger series for more tips to honour & discharge Anger safely. Some reminders below: - In flipped lid mode, we can’t think straight! Put your baby down safely and leave the room - Take 5 minutes out to self-regulate (e.g. deep breathing, meditate, move, dance) - When calm, repair with your little one through talking/physical touch. (I’ll talk more on this) - TALK about your Anger with a loved one. If Angry moments happen a lot – talk to your GP & seek individualised support (see my help-seeking highlight) https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5d3dd3ead8af680001b7339c/1610897163161-RUA8J27CPR31L73TESJE/Stories+of+anger+2.jpg Blog - Stories of maternal anger https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5d3dd3ead8af680001b7339c/1610897187208-AH3843IOYNG9S36K0NZQ/stories+of+anger+3.jpg Blog - Stories of maternal anger https://drcarolineboyd.com/blog/tips-for-doing-differently-in-the-dance-of-anger monthly 0.5 2021-01-17 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5d3dd3ead8af680001b7339c/1610896599022-9EXGTTVRITWUDOY3A1X5/Anger+partner+1.jpg Blog - Tips for doing differently in the dance of anger Here are some tips for doing differently in the dance of Anger - in no way is this to suggest mums assume responsibility for this. These ideas can be equally helpful for you or your partner (scroll down for more). ⚡️I should also add that we can adopt different styles of Anger depending on the context - just to complicate matters! So these are purely ideas to try with an emphasis on developing self-awareness. ⚡️Noticing where you’re at, whether you feel reactive, & what capacity you have BEFORE responding can all help. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5d3dd3ead8af680001b7339c/1610896738862-4ATX4I29YG5DQIWU6DWT/Anger+partner+2.jpg Blog - Tips for doing differently in the dance of anger https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5d3dd3ead8af680001b7339c/1610896774569-RAHCUEBYLI9YVMQBTHWP/anger+partner+3.jpg Blog - Tips for doing differently in the dance of anger https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5d3dd3ead8af680001b7339c/1610896811957-D6IYDCF8KFZWWJ8K8PZF/Anger+partner+5.jpg Blog - Tips for doing differently in the dance of anger https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5d3dd3ead8af680001b7339c/1610896841433-05WEPHID7G9TBG8WAT7S/Anger+partner+6.jpg Blog - Tips for doing differently in the dance of anger ✨What about you - have you tried these ideas before? Do they seem helpful? https://drcarolineboyd.com/blog/why-does-my-partner-ignite-my-anger monthly 0.5 2021-01-17 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5d3dd3ead8af680001b7339c/1610896312025-AJ6AY3H8KBN8W7GLC5LS/anger+-+partner.jpg Blog - Why does my partner ignite my anger? ⚡️Why am I the only one managing the endless mental load? Why am I shouldering the domestic burden? Why doesn’t my partner understand me? Why don’t they get it? ⚡️ I hear some of these questions from women grappling with life as a new mum. This life-changing transition can place a huge strain on the family system. Through navigating what @alexandrasacksmd terms ‘matrescence’, mums experience huge changes to their brain… body… and identity. To feel that seemingly so little changes for our partner can lead to feelings of anger, envy and resentment. On top of this, feeling inequality in bearing the vast mental load can contribute to feelings of powerlessness and injustice. Research shows that in hetero couples, women overwhelmingly bear this burden. The couple relationship can be further fragmented by limited opportunities and reduced desire for intimacy, creating yet more distance and disconnection. So what to do? The first is recognising what fuels Anger within the context of your relationship. What often happens within a strained system is breakdown of communication. It’s tough - but important to learn to communicate your unmet needs assertively & in calm moments. Given how easily our nervous systems get fired up – it only takes a bit of stress from another source (such as a dismissive / throwaway comment from our partner) to move us into threat mode and to snap. Psychologist Harriet Lerner talks about how it then takes A LOT of maturity & genuine desire to have a better relationship to STOP - and to respond differently. In what she calls the ‘Dance of Anger’ (also her book title), Harriet says we expend so much energy trying to change the other person who won’t change. When actually, our energy could be spent summoning the courage to change our own part in the dance. When we do, “the old dance can’t go on as usual”. NEXT I’ll talk about practical ways to change the dance. I’ll also share tips around communicating so every conversation with our partner doesn’t escalate into an explosive row. 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