Did you know that 20% of the population are Highly Sensitives (HSP)?
Did you also know that 30% of those HSP’s actually might be called ‘extroverts’?
As HSPs will know, being highly sensitive means having a finely tuned nervous system & processing incoming stimuli deeply. HSPs are also empathic & ‘tuned in’ to others around them.
Dr Elaine Aron summarises in the DOES model.
· D – depth of processing
· O – overstimulation (feeling quickly overwhelmed)
· E – emotional reactivity & empathy
· S – sensing subtle stimuli (e.g. noticing subtle cues in body language & tone of voice)
Parenting is inherently stressful - for HS parents it can feel even more challenging. HS mothers describe feeling more empathic, connected to & creative with their child. HS mothers ALSO feel more easily overwhelmed & exhausted by overstimulation in our frenetic, modern world. Parenting feels harder – busy social schedules, constant decision-making and feeling your child’s feelings deeply, all drain resources. So HSP parents need more DOWNTIME to recharge.
This means carving out time to reduce stimulation & seeking rest and solitude – even just 5 minutes of time alone in a quiet space will help you reset and recharge.
What else can help to manage your sensitivity? Adapted from Elaine Aron’s ‘five to thrive’ model, here are 5 TOP TIPS:
· UNDERSTAND your sensitivity – get to know it, make friends with it. How and when does it best serve you?
· GET TO KNOW other sensitive people – FIND YOUR TRIBE.
· REFRAME PAST EXPERIENCES. You may remember being given damaging labels when you were younger such as ‘shy’, ‘overly-sensitive’ or a ‘cry-baby’. It can really help to understand that these labels stem from our high-achieving culture- privileging ‘alpha’ qualities like confidence over sensitivity. I view it as a gift and our SUPER-POWER – harness it.
· ARRANGE YOUR LIFESTYLE TO SUIT YOUR SENSITIVITY. As Dr Aron says, you can do any career but it has to be done in the right way and the right environment. Go back and read that sentence again. For HSPs particularly, it’s vital that negative feedback is balanced with the positive, & you feel appreciated for your hard work.
· HEAL PAST WOUNDS. Processing difficult childhood experiences is something I support parents with. For HSP mums & dads, finding a safe, therapeutic space to do this may feel especially helpful. In exploring moments of overwhelm, to disentangle what feelings ‘belong’ to you and which ‘belong’ to your child, so that difficult earlier experiences aren’t projected onto your little one.
With so much pressure on parents to be perfect and on it 24/7, it’s absolutely essential to recognise that we NEED to take time out for ourselves. For the sake of our sanity and self-esteem as well as for our children. As someone who identifies as HS myself, I give you permission today to take this time - the evidence tells us just how beneficial this is for mothers. Claim that time alone - guard your precious energy like a jewel.
For more resources, see Dr Aron’s work.
For understanding and tips for soothing difficult emotions, check out my book Mindful New Mum: A Mind-Body Approach to the Highs and Lows of Motherhood.
For psychological support around highly sensitive parenting, please get in touch.
I’m currently booking women onto our specialist course, MUM RAGE - Transforming Your Relationship with Anger to Reclaim Your Power, starting after Easter on April 27th. Please contact me to discuss booking your place.