Plus tips for coping

“Trauma is an overwhelming threat that you don’t know how to deal with. Trauma is not the bad things that happen to you, but what happens inside you as a result of what happens to you.”

Dr Gabor Mate

Info & resources for people UK based (and some for those in US) on seeking help for emotional difficulties

Unwanted, intrusive thoughts of harm about our babies - infographic created by the Perinatal Anxiety Research Lab in British Columbia

Mindful New Mum is for YOU - whether you’re a new mum, pandemic mum, expectant mum, or a mum for the second, third time.

Here’s the second playlist to help you - and your baby - down-regulate and relax - fave soothing tracks chosen by YOU!

🔥 Do you want to join me? Let’s share ways to channel our rage.
Supporting us to tune into our anger & connect with our bodies in order to RELEASE THE RAGE.

Big thank you to ALL of you in my healing community for helping create these playlists… enjoy

Do you feel grief in this pandemic?

Just as your child doesn’t need you to be a ‘Straight A’ parent - they also don’t need you to be a ‘Straight A’ teacher.

If you feel it’s hard at the moment, it’s because it is.

Feeling triggered by your child? In the moment, you need to regulate, reconnect and repair

As part of my series on maternal anger I am publishing anonymised stories (see the entire series on my Instagram page). My intention in giving voice to mothers links to a therapeutic idea that having our stories heard in a non-judgmental, compassionate space can be healing.

Doing differently in the dance of Anger - in no way is this to suggest mums assume responsibility for this. These ideas can be equally helpful for you or your partner.

“Why am I the only one managing the endless mental load?” “Why am I shouldering the domestic burden?” “Why doesn’t my partner understand me?” “Why don’t they get it?”

Anger is such a stigmatised emotion – thanks to the Supermum myth, ‘good’ mums aren’t allowed to be angry.
But we know Anger is a normal, defensive emotion.

So what can underlie Anger?

Often Anger shows up, masking other raw, painful feelings. These can include fear. Feeling out of control. A crushing sense of responsibility for this tiny new person. It can also be sadness. Feeling abandoned and alone. Grieving unacknowledged losses amid this life-changing transition. Our pre baby self.. our body… our relationships.

Tears of relief were shed following the Biden Harris US election win. Their victory speeches really highlighted to me the sharp contrast between their thoughtful styles and Trump’s hate-fuelled diatribes of Anger.

As I wrote before, the problem with acting on Anger is that it only fuels the flames. Our nervous systems get over-heated quickly. And in threat mode, we either CUT OFF from ourselves/others, or get focused on BLAMING ourselves/others. (I’ll talk more on this in relation to partners!) Like Trump, this means we get STUCK in endless cycles of rage.

So – in order to be more creative with Anger…

Imagine you’re exhausted, you’ve spent ages persuading the toddler to leave the house and now you’re rushing round a shop to get dinner. Then the toddler sends a jar from the shelf crashing to the floor. Something in you snaps. You scream – at anyone who’ll listen – and feel a rage akin to road rage.

“We don’t talk about maternal rage. I mean the kind that simmers under the surface of countless women; the kind that makes you dig your nails into your fists in an attempt to stop the fury from entering the hands., because if you don’t stop it now, it will turn to something shameful.”

Saima Mir, The Best Most Awful Job