#maternalanger #creativity
In his victory speech, Joe Biden denounced the end of this “grim era of demonisation… It’s time to put away the harsh rhetoric, to lower the temperature, to see each other again, to listen to each other again.”
Tears of relief were shed following the Biden Harris US election win. Both their victory speeches really highlighted to me the sharp contrast between their thoughtful rhetorical styles and Trump’s hate-fuelled diatribes of Anger.
As I wrote before, the problem with acting on Anger is that it only fuels the flames. Our nervous systems get over-heated quickly. And in threat mode, we either CUT OFF from ourselves/others, or get focused on BLAMING ourselves/others. (I’ll talk more on this in relation to partners!) Like Trump, this means we get STUCK in endless cycles of rage.
So – in order to be more creative with Anger, first we need to calm and self-regulate.
Once we’re no longer reactive, we can access empathy and compassion – allowing us to listen and to connect with ourselves and those around us.
Anger can be a reaction to a perceived injustice – we feel wronged in some way. This boundary violation is linked to our dignity & self-worth – often a situation or system in which we feel a power imbalance. Leaving us feeling inferior, powerless, and full of shame.
So what to do?
We need to bring conscious awareness to the thoughts and feelings circling. What is Anger telling you?
Get to know your boundaries by reconnecting with your core Values. If you feel a line’s been crossed, how can you assertively claim your rights to restore justice?
This could be telling an alternative story of mothering – giving voice to silenced narratives that challenge the dominant Supermum fantasy (such as through the lens of disability, sexuality, spirituality, race or class).
In my research, women who experienced unwanted, intentional urges to harm the baby in moments of stress (e.g. the baby crying) told how these moments also led to deepened self-awareness. For one woman, it led her to completely change her style of mothering. Understanding she needed to ignore advice around baby sleep and routine, and instead listen to her own instincts. For another, it led her to more deeply connect with normal maternal ambivalence. Understanding that being a mother included both joy and wonder AND anger and stress.
What about you - what’s your experience of Anger? Have you been able to use it creatively?
Art @maggiecoledraws
Key reference:
The Dance of Anger - Harriet Lerner