Dear mums,
I wrote this four years ago after my second baby - and shared in May for Maternal Mental Health Awareness Week. #messycontradictions
EARLY MOTHERHOOD IS...
Seeking solace in the bathroom to escape the toddler.
Feeling slammed up against a wall with nowhere to go.
Brimming over with pride at what you produced.
Being seized with terror that they might come to harm.
Needing tea. At all times.
Wondering if extreme tiredness ever killed anyone.
Becoming sharply aware of your own mortality.
Disciplining with chocolate buttons.
Stealing your child’s chocolate buttons.
Living in the moment (whether you like it or not)
Using snacks to persuade the toddler.
Ruling with snacks.
Snacks. Just snacks.
Feeling bowled over by love for the baby. With the first, it was unquestionable, raw.
This time, it’s animalistic, intense. My God, it’s a love affair.
Longing for some breathing space. #metime
Massively lowering expectations. If you’ve got them out the house, limbs all intact and no one (including you) having a meltdown, it’s a win.
Feeling curious, creative, angry, fulfilled, bored & profoundly happy. Context is all.
Feeling broken-backed, hauling baby & luggage. Who’s prepared for the brutal physicality?
Caring less about judgement second time round. If they don’t like it, sod ‘em.
Still, feeling guilty about certain choices. You’re your own biggest critic, right? #pressuretobeperfect
Experiencing a raft of power dynamics. Out in public you often feel powerless, yet at home you play God.
Loving the hot, loving embrace of a 2-year-old, nuzzling the baby’s soft, fat neck.
Longing for intimacy that means not being pawed by tiny, sticky hands.
Being touched by a friend’s kindness.
Loving those who listen. Just listen.
Reminding yourself of the mantra ‘This too shall pass’.
But my! you wish it would damn soon enough.
Feeling like you just can’t give any more.
Finding new ways to open your heart, every day.
Feeling amazed, astounded and a little afraid that you produced these two humans. Who will grow up into, what – wilful, stroppy teenagers; kind, soulful beings; or machiavellian misanthropes?
Hang on, hang on, getting ahead of yourself. Back to the present. A little person wants you.
Art by @o_trocatintas