As part of my series on maternal anger I’ll start publishing anonymised stories – thank you to all those who shared yours.
My intention in giving voice to mothers links to a therapeutic idea that having our stories heard in a non-judgmental, compassionate space can be healing. As well as women feeling validated and understood, sharing alternative mothering experiences challenges the dominant ‘Supermum’ myth.
The toxic Supermum discourse – dictating that mums can only be serene and joyful - is at best disempowering & reductive. At worst dehumanising.
This impossible fantasy crushes women with the weight of responsibility to be perfect. While efforts to suppress ‘negative’ feelings like Anger only compound stress and burn out. I believe creating space for difficult, scary feelings means they’re less likely to show up in the parent-child relationship - allowing us to access self-compassion.
So here are some stories of maternal Anger – more to come this week. As you’ll see, the contexts vary – though one theme is the shock women feel in experiencing Anger at all as a new mum.
To add on Context - we know it’s not only the Supermum myth that can influence our mothering. It can also be shaped by difficult experiences growing up and oppression related to, for example, disability, race or class. This means we all bring our own ways of coping depending on our own unique experiences.
Anger then can be an expression of unmet needs.
🌟Please look back over my Anger series for more tips to honour & discharge Anger safely. Some reminders below:
- In flipped lid mode, we can’t think straight! Put your baby down safely and leave the room
- Take 5 minutes out to self-regulate (e.g. deep breathing, meditate, move, dance)
- When calm, repair with your little one through talking/physical touch. (I’ll talk more on this)
- TALK about your Anger with a loved one. If Angry moments happen a lot – talk to your GP & seek individualised support (see my help-seeking highlight)
